I Can't Do That
by Sparrow1011
Summary: Usopp can't do a lot of things his friends can do, or want him to do...AU story...


Usopp watched on as his best friend, Luffia, stood on the edge of a cliff about ten stories up from touching the ocean, the two of them had both watched a movie the night before where a group of teenagers, the teens had been drinking and having a party, and once the group had ended up drunk enough they cliff dived.

A sport and rush of adrenalin as people jumped from deadly high places into the water below.

After watching that movie Luffy wanted to cliff dive right away, but Usopp managed to convince her to wait until tomorrow when the sun is in the sky, but his true wishes were that she would forget about cliff diving, but to his luck Luffy didn't forget and she drove them to the nearest cliff.

The long nosed young man could only gasp as the black haired female took a few steps back to get more memento behind the jump, Luffy dashed forward, toes digging into the dirt before she kicked out at the edge of the cliff, her arms going spread eagle, then Usopp couldn't see her any longer.

The pale man got as close to the edge as he dared before scrambling on hands and knees to peer down at Luffia who is floating on top of the waves, a large grin on her face as they both looked up at each other.

"Usopp! Come join me!"

"I can't do that!" Usopp shouted back down at her, backing away from the edge and sitting on his arse, his hands behind him and feet still about to kick the ground to get further back.

* * *

Usopp stared at his green headed friend, who easily lifted up a beaten up old black ford from the ground and lifted it over his head, his muscles bludged out from his arms, veins throbbed out of his neck as he lifted the car up and used it as a weight.

Usopp could only stare at Zoro wide eyed, what the green haired man could do, should never be possible.

Zoro's green eye narrowed as it turned to look over at Usopp who had started to hide behind a tree.

"Want to join in?" Usopp gluped and backed away even more from Zoro and the car, shaking his head back and fore so hard and fast that his curly black hair wiped him in the face.

"I can't do that." And then he bolted away from the tree, over Zoro's fence, into the street, down the street and over his fence, his already had his keys out and ready as they moved into the lock, he twisted it and the door swung open.

Usopp hurried to slam the door closed again, followed by dragging most of his furniture against all his doors and windows, so his muscle headed friend couldn't get in.

* * *

Usopp shivered in the cold air that flowed up the skirt he wore, his hands frantically pushed the silk skirt down, keeping the female lacy underwear from flashing anyone that might be behind or in front of him.

Nami growled as she pulled his hair back into something girly and pretty before turning him around and applying a gloss over his lips. The turtle neck sweater that Nami had given him to wear chocked him, but pulled tightly over his flat chest, showing off just of skinny he really is, a black cored necklace with a golden feather hung down the centre of his chest.

"Why am I doing this?" Usopp whined, getting a dark glare from Nami as she recapped the lip-gloss.

"Because this will clear up your depts. to me…plus nobody else can, your skinnier then the others beside Chopper, Brook and Sanji, but Chopper's too young, Brooks too old and Sanji would beat the guy up for even touching his leg, and the information says that the enemy boss likes boys in skirts, go seduce him."

Usopp whimpered when the orange haired women pushed him into the bar and the long nosed boy thought to himself as he walked towards the man with a hook. _'I can't do that.'_

* * *

Usopp stood along the wall of Sanji's kitchen, keeping out of the way of his blond curly eye-browed friend, he moved skilfully around his kitchen, cracking eggs, sifting flour, turning the oven on, pouring milk, adding shaved chocolate, kneading, and then placing the cake mix into the largest oven tray that Usopp has seen.

Sanji cleaned up when the blond had placed the fresh mix into the oven, washing wooden spoons and whipping down the bench, he set up sliver cake resting board.

When a little egg timer dinged, Sanji pulled the cooked cake from the oven and carefully sat it on the bench, while the cake cooled down the blond made little sugar decorations, while making the icing. Only after the baked cake had cooled down did Sanji get a cake knife and thickly apply the layer of brown icing around the round cake, he then used a icing tube to carefully and skilfully place lines and patterns around and on top of the cake, making it look like a map as he used different toned browns.

Before the icing had time to harden up Sanji placed a pirate ship made of sugar right on the top of it, in the middle, the pirate ship is colourful and detailed, it had doors and windows, a pirate flag, with seagulls resting on the mast of the ship.

"Take that out to cutie-Luffy!" Sanji ordered Usopp, the long nosed man looked over the cake, it looked like the biggest hat box he could even find. "Don't drop it!"

Usopp froze, before he placed a few fingers under the board to take the cake out to Luffy for her birthday, but when he went to lift it up he found that he wouldn't be able to take the heavy cake out to Luffy without dropping it, so he removed his finger from the board and ran towards the door while he told Sanji.

"I can't do that!"

* * *

Usopp's tanned skin turned ashen when his little friend cut open Luffia's shoulder where she managed to get a bullet hole, the bullet still lodged into her shoulder and Usopp gets to help Chopper pull the bullet out because he's the only one available.

"Usopp hold these tongs open." Chopper said, guiding the surgical tongs that are in Usopp's gloved hand towards the hole, he used Usopp's fingers to open the tong, which spread Luffy's skin and flesh open, blood ran down the bare arm, and the long nosed man could see blood gathering and getting ready to pool out, a lot of blood, and flesh, with bit hanging out.

Usopp turned green when he saw white immixed with all the pink and red, and his mind screamed at what his eyes are seeing.

_'Bone, lots of bone, Luffy's bone.' _Then when chopper jabbed the tweezers into the black haired girls arm, and the pool of blood spurted out and onto his face, Usopp looked at Chopper with wide eyes.

"I can't do that." And with that said, Usopp fainted onto the ground, tongs still in fingers and bullet between Choppers tweezers.

* * *

Usopp and Robin stood outside of a long and very dark hallway; they both had to go forward to find the exit or turn back around and find a new path to go.

"L-lets g-g-go th-th-this way." Usopp stuttered, pointing into the darkness, because the way they had just come from had been scary as hell, and if he can't see any creepy things that it shouldn't be that bad. Robin let out a light laugh with a smile at the younger male beside her.

"Isn't it exciting, I wonder if there will be pale hands grabbing at us in the darkness, or traps in the ground that will open up to pits full of spikes, or if we do make it to the end of the hall that it's just a wall and when we turn around to go back, there will be a man standing behind us with a torch and a butcher knife, he'll either kill us there and then or drag us both off to a room where he'll then cut us open, chop off out limbs, play with our body parts until we die."

Usopp had frozen into a stone as Robin went on, the older women smiled down at her scared friend, not telling him that she had sent out her eyes to make sure that there are no traps or monster, and that there really is a door that will lead to the exit. She grabbed Usopp's arm and pulled him into the darkness with her.

"Be brave Usopp."

"I CAN'T DO THAT." Usopp's voice echoed in the castle ruins.

* * *

Usopp looked at Franky as his blue haired friend managed to do the splits with his arms in the air, mashing together to show off his blue star tattoo, Franky pushed his hands down in front of his split legs to get back up onto his feet, and went over to Usopp who had stared at him in utter boredom as he had practiced his new pose moves.

"You try it Usopp-bro!

"No thanks." Usopp pulled away, only for Franky to grab Usopp's arms and place them high in the air, while his feet spread Usopp's legs open until the long nosed male is doing the splits on the ground and howling out in pain, he stopped screaming when something around his hips went pop and his right leg went limb.

They both stared down at the leg before they both started to scream, one in fear and pain after shock had run through his system, while Franky is screaming and crying out apologizes, over and over until he shouted for Chopper to get down to them and help Usopp.

Franky calmed down just a little bit and stared down at Usopp, he then suggested moving the long nosed liar so that it'll be easier for Chopper to look at him plus, it might be less painful if they set the leg at a different angle then the one that it's on now.

"I can't do that…" Usopp whimpered wishing Chopper would hurry it up before Franky does try moving him.

* * *

Brook dragged Usopp by the nose and they moved him towards the female bathrooms of the swimming pools.

The two of them knelt down in front of the door, and the old man opened it just a little bit, both ended up with a little bit of blood dribbling out of their noses at the naked, half naked females that walked by, or sat on the benches.

"Usopp…see those panties? The bright red panties with grinning skulls on them?" Brook said, pointing at the panties on the other side of the room, Usopp could see them, but he could also see just who they belonged to…they were Luffia's panties and she is already dressed in her swimming clothes, waiting for Nami and Robin to be finished changing. "Could you get them for me? I already have one from each female that we know…beside Luffy, I want to add her panties to my collection, if you do this, then I'll give you Kaya's panties."

"You have Kaya's panties?" Usopp half whispered, half shrieked, Brook smiled at him in a cunny way for an old man, Usopp went to push open the door to enter the changing room. "I can't do that."

Usopp told Brook pulling away, the long nosed man then glared at Brook, his expression telling him that he wanted Kaya's panties and if he took her panties again then he'll pay.

Before he could get those words out a shadow fell over the both of them, they both looked up at the gap they had made with the door to peep in and they found Nami, Robin and Luffy changed and looked down at them, the two dark haired girl only looked amused but Nami didn't, in face she looked like the devil's reincarnation.

They both knew that if they didn't run, then they would be killed by their orange haired friend.


End file.
